What a noble specimen of heroics. What a dashing, noble knight. No wonder they have chosen to immortalise him with such dynamic realism. Wait a minute, did he just move? No...maybe not.
As I was saying, he seems just the sort of unflinching, bold hero we need for our tale. What a fitting tribute to him this very realistic painting is... no wait, he moved again. Did nobody see it this time? I'm not sure whether my mind is playing tricks on me.
Anyway, to get back to what I was saying... no there it is again. Hang on, this is no painting. No wonder it is so lifelike; Sir Strompliff is that you? I'm not sure the hero we need is the sort that has to be his own portrait in his spare time.
Although heroes are pretty rare these days, so you might just have to do.